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Adoptive Parent Scam.  Is It Possible?

Not likely. In the realm of special needs, CHASK parents are experienced, stay-at-home moms, usually already dealing with special needs.  But, adoptive parents do not have nerves of steel.  Emotions can run high for adoptive parents-to be too.  Perhaps an adoptive parent has second thoughts about coping with a babies medical needs.  Be patient.  The Lord has shown them that disability is a part of their lives, yet they are human.

Are you praying for a loving family to care appropriately for the medical concerns of your baby?  Know that your precious baby is already loved, even if he or she is not expected to live. 

Concerns?  We do not want to be negative. CHASK families are wonderful folk.  They have been there.  Here are some warnings that might help you decide if a family is working out for you and your baby. 

A.  If an adoptive family tries to convince you that you are not going to be capable or able to care for your baby, be aware.  CHASK's first goal is to help you parent your special needs baby with joy and confidence.  Second our goal is to help you find a Christian, loving home that you are happy with.

B.  If a family is really hard to get a hold of, and they are not on vacation that you know of, perhaps they are not available. Period.  Some moms let the answering machines catch their calls so that they are not tied up on the phone while their children need them, but they do return calls promptly.  If e-mail, phone or another source is not able to reach them, perhaps think about trying for another family, even if you have given them verbal approval.  CHASK's desire is that you get the emotional support you need, when you need it.

C.  Demands or controlling attitudes are warning signs.  If you feel that you are being manipulated into a decision you are not ready for, back off.  If you feel any concern about the amount of contact with an adoptive family or they are not respecting your requests for privacy, contact CHASK.  We want to help adoptive families do this right.  Some adoptive families may need to have an answer from you so that they can plan their lives.  An adoptive family has a kind of "pregnancy" too.

D. After placement Contact? Confidential or Most Open? As a birth parent, try to decide what you will need for contact from the adoptive family ahead of time after you baby is in their home.  If you need to see your baby face to face once in a while, then let the adoptive family know this.  If you are happy with letters and pictures every couple months at first and then once a year later, be up front.  If a closed adoption is not where you are at, don't choose a adoptive family that needs this.  Description of different contact arrangements.

E. Legality of Independent or private adoptions.  Private adoptions are legal in all states except Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts and Minnesota.  In these states, however, "parties are able to achieve what is, in spirit, an independent adoption: the adoptive parents and birth parents identify each other without intervention by an agency and then arrange for the parental rights to be relinquished through an agencies that greatly reduce or eliminate their fees to help families adopt special needs children.

CHASK families are choosing to alter their lives drastically for a baby with special needs. Be rest assured that they will love your little one.  These are not folks looking for funds from foster care.  Out of love to you and your baby, they are putting their actions where their heart lies and will follow through.

Choosing to carry a baby to term is a wonderful way to make a difficult nightmare into a treasured memory.  Even severely medically involved babies have a wonderful purpose in God's plan.  We cannot know all that is involved in choosing to do the right thing.  But rest assured, God will bless you now and in the future for honoring the life He created.