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 Adopting our Son Jordan

Our private adoption experience.  Tom and Sherry Bushnell, Porthill, ID

We brought home Jordan when he was 3 weeks old.  We did have a home study almost done.  Our social worker was a wonderful, motherly type woman.  She graciously allowed Jordon's birth parents to call her to talk about our family's qualifications.  We lived in a rough, made-over barn.  Thankfully, our social worker, who was doing a private homestudy for us, was more interested in placing children than finding the "perfect" setting.

                    Bringing Jordan home was an unexpected event.  Because Jordan had failure to thrive, he had a hole in his heart and was not gaining, our pediatrician advised us not to adopt him.  We told Jordon's birth parents no, after we had initially said yes.  BUT  the Lord had other plans.

                    While visiting Tom's sister in Portland, Jordon's birth parents somehow found her number and called us.  They really wanted to talk with us.  They felt all alone in making this decision.  6 months earlier we had a baby girl born with Down syndrome and she later died at 3  months after open heart surgery.  Jordon and I is the story you can read if you like.

                We agreed to visit them at the hospital and see baby Jordan. (They had named him Tristin.) Our empty arms ached with love as we cradled baby Jordon, tiny and not thriving in the hospital setting.  The doctors were releasing Jordan with the hope that a mommy could rally him to eat and grow. After several hours of talking with Jordon's birth parents, we went back to Tom's sister's house, agreeing to return the next day with them at the doctor's conference with them.

              That night, the Lord gave Tom a dream and assurance that we should take Jordan, although it seemed almost "foolish".  He shared with me his feelings and my heart agreed with him.  We knew in our hearts that whether Jordan lived or died, we would take him home to be ours.

                Arriving at the hospital early, we talked further with Jordan's birth parents about the resources for families dealing with Down syndrome.  We talked about disability, about parenting a child with challenges and handicaps.  After the doctor's meeting, we were sure that they were going to choose to parent Jordan.  At the last, his parent confided that if we did not take him, they were going to surrender him Oregon foster care system.  Instantly, we knew that this was the moment to reassure them of our love for Jordan and our willingness to take him to be our own.

                It all happened so quickly.  The hospital social worker typed guardianship papers in about 10 minutes.  We signed, they signed, the social worker signed.  The social worker suggested Jordan's birth parents take him home to the birthparent's parent's home in Vancouver, WA.  This was to avoid interstate compact  problems.

                    So, as a thief might feel, we arrived to take our baby Jordan into our arms.  Jordan's birth mom had breast milk and his birth dad had a car seat for us.  With tears coursing down her face, she handed her new baby to us and dashed into the back bedroom.  We felt horrible.  Yet....here was our baby, tucked sweetly into a blue blanket.  We were getting a second chance with Down syndrome and a life of adventure awaited us.  Jordan's parents had nothing but sad memories. 

                Our arrival home and the running out of breast milk meant that we either bought formula or tired to nurse.  We did both.  Sherry still had milk from our daughter who had gone to heaven 6 months earlier.  Jordan literally lived on his new mommy's chest, wrapped in a sling under a hooded sweat shirt.  At 5 1/2 pounds, he was nestled so sweetly that no one guessed we had a baby inside our coat.  Mommy responded to his every wiggle and need.  He thrived.  In fact, after a trip to the heart specialist, they gave him a clean bill of health and re-diagnosed his heart hole...into something that didn't quite properly close at birth.  It was find now. 

            In fact, Jordan remains to this day a very healthy boy.  No allergies, no health problems.  What a blessing.  Only the Lord would have known that he would improve to the extent he did.

            We continue to have an open adoption with Jordon's birth parents and grandparents.  For many years, Jordan was the only grandchild on the birth father's side.  Jordan's grandparents adopted our whole family as their own.  In fact, now they had 3 grandchildren (turned into 10 as the years went by)  and over the years have blessed us with good wishes and love.  Jordan's grandparents have not visited in many years.  We did have a nice letter from Jordan's birth father a couple years ago.  He expressed a desire to meet Jordan, as he had a new family now and a 1/2 brother to Jordan.

            Open adoption was still rather new 14 years ago.  Today it is the norm.  We feel that a child like Jordan doesn't necessarily understand the whole situation.  As a result, we could have more peace in visits or contact.  We know that it is really healing for birth parents to see their baby growing in health and happiness.  After 14 years we would welcome his parents or grandparents into our home.  We probably would not want Jordan to leave with them for a visit away from our home.

             We finalized Jordan's adoption within a few weeks.  After the several days relinquishment period was over, we met with a lawyer privately.  She arranged for the birth family to come sign papers.  We signed after they did.  The friend of the court visited and found our home situation satisfactory. We went before the judge several months later and after a very quick conversation, Jordan was officially ours.

             Private adoption cost us $500.  This was for the lawyer and court fees. We did not have any  other fees, as Jordan's birth was covered.  Our insurance covered Jordan as a birth child when we signed finalization papers.  We believe that the Lord has His protecting hand on our adoption.  We did not really fully understand the process at the time.  It was only later that it all made sense.  Perhaps this was what the Lord wanted. We had no fear of Jordan being taken away or of post placement visits.

            We welcome others to share their story and hopefully others would have the courage to adopt privately too.