Christian Homes And Special Kids

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Can I Raise A Child With Special Needs?

By Tom and Sherry Bushnell

Every parent thrust into the world of disability asks this question. A feeling of confusion, helplessness, life spinning out-of-control or being pulled in a direction unwanted is normal.

15 years ago when our daughter, Tally, with Down syndrome was born, we were totally ignorant of the fact that were about to go through the most life-changing incident in our lives. Down syndrome came as a surprise to us. She was born at home. We had a wonderful birth. We were well on our way to our idyllic number of children (3 boys and 2 girls).

Our little home had 2 days of after-the-birth bliss until our midwives’ suspicion led us to the pediatrician. Not only did Tally have Down syndrome, but she had a good sized hole in her heart needing repair right away. We were not too concerned about dealing with disability at this point. We just wanted her alive. She had to gain 3 pounds before they would consider surgery to "fix" her heart. 3 months later, after a constant struggle getting her to that important weight, we were ready to get done with surgery and move on in life.

God had other plans. Several hours after open heart surgery, Tally died.

Our beautiful fragile flower was gone.

It took 3 years for both of us to come to a point of complete surrender realizing that this is what God had intended all along. This is the path that He choose for us. Not our will, not our comfort, but His plans. We are willing to walk in His way.

The outward signs of our surrender are apparent. We are happier. Inside we are resolved to have the number of children He desires for us. We also realize that special needs children are precious in His sight. Each one deserves a mommy and a daddy. Thousands and thousands of special needs children like Tally are aborted each year. If we were not allowed to raise our own special needs child, we wanted to adopt.

So, what does it take to raise a child with special needs?

Simply a willingness to do exactly what God wants. Which part of our lives should we keep for ourselves? Our privacy, our time, our finances, our looks, our reputation, our hobbies, our ability or gifts?

Do you long for real joy? If we truly fear and love God, all of the things that are important to us should be on that alter. He alone can turn our sacrifices

(a sacrifice is something we give up that is precious to us) into satisfaction and even comfort to our souls.

What is ahead? Our limited minds cannot comprehend. The little decisions we make to obey or not obey, to put aside our bitterness and fear and trust the Lord, these serve as spring boards for His perfect will in our lives. We may never know how our obedience or disobedience affects those around us forever.

Heaven or hell? Our decisions are important. Should we keep a baby with a poor prognosis with a future of disablity? Should we adopt a child that has disabilities? Can we give a financial gift to help a family adopt a disabled child that would otherwise be aborted? Our decisions make an incredible difference. This is called storing up treasures in heaven. When our lives are done (our lives are very short in comparison to forever) we all want to have our Heavenly Father say, "Well done my good and faithful servant".

Do you have fears about taking care of a child with disability? We will be honest. We do too. The world of brokenness is really difficult to weave through without somehow hurting too. Have you asked these questions?

It is easy to feel over-whelmed when looking at a child that needs multiple areas of therapy and other professional help. Especially if we do not have the expertise to do it ourselves. We believe that our children are a gift from God. He can give us the knowledge, patience, endurance and hope we need to meet the needs of our children. We can become experts on our children by educating ourselves. Do you believe that each day is given to you by Jesus to serve Him? Can we believe that He will order our days? Won’t He will enable us to do all we can for our children?

Yes. There will always be someone more qualified to do a better job. But the fact remains, that if we know that the Lord has called us to raise our special needs child for Him and the public school or government programs cannot meet those goals, we are the best ones to teach our child.

From a Biblical perspective, suffering for the sake of the good or well being of others is not a bad thing. From a worldly perspective, special needs pre-born babies are better off dead. The Bible says that even the kind mercies of the wicked are cruel. (Proverbs 12:10b)

Our family chose to include disabled children in our home to help us all gain a more heavenly perspective here on earth. Our treasures are our children. They are about the only earthly blessings we can take with us to heaven when we die. (They may come a little later!)

If God has called us to raise a child that is unpleasant to look at or be around, we can rest assured that someone will call us on the carpet for "ruining" our lives. Do you feel folks around you are repulsed by your child? Well, our family is replused by folks who are more interested in selfish desires and pleasantries than rolling up their sleeves and helping. If we have to make a new set of friends, thank the Lord we are gaining better friendships. (It still hurts.)

As the old saying goes, "if you want something done, ask someone who is busy". The Lord knows which details should be priorities in our lives. There is never enough time for some things in our home. Time enough for reading lots of books to the children, time enough to cook fabulous meals every night, to sew all our own clothes, to volunteer our services to worthy organizations, the list goes on. In our home we must prioritize and ask ourselves this question. "What is God calling me to do? and "What is God wanting me do to right this minute?"

In our home, God allows us to see a balance between the good and the best. We ask people we trust their opinions, we read the word and seek to communicate in a real way with our spouse, children and parents. Are we all at peace? Are we willing to let go of some things to replace them with an new goal or priority?

One of the phrases that we hear, (and I know that folks mean well) is this, "You are such wonderful parents to have God choose you to have a child with special needs."

To be honest, we do not feel very wonderful. We are normal to the core. In fact, there is nothing more disheartening to know that we are being put on a pedestal we don’t belong on.

God alone knows the joy, worry, frustration, secret fears and embarrassment that comes with tackling the job He has chosen for us. Being a missionary is noble, saving lives as a doctor is noble, rescuing a drowning person is noble, but dedicated motherhood and fatherhood is just as noble. Those quiet prayers, tear soaked pillow in prayer.... this is noble!

Some folks are quick to praise and then pronounce that they could never have the patience or heart to raise a disabled child.

Is this because God is calling these well-meaning families to actively participate in saving the lives of broken children and they are not sure how to help?

Children are being abandoned before birth by the milions. The need is greater that any one of us can ever hope to cure by ourselves. The important thing is that we are obedient to God’s quiet voice. What part of preventing the death of special needs children is God calling you?

Are you willing to give an imperfectly made baby life, to be raised in love by you or another mommy?

Adopting a baby that would otherwise be lost, into your home, as one of your own is a ministry that God loves. After all, He adopted us!

Can you share financially with what God has given you to support another family or a ministry actively saving babies?

There is no greater love than this, than laying down our life for others.

God does not promise us a wonderful life full of comforts and pleasures. He does promise pure joy when we obey Him. With God’s help we can do all things He calls us to do.

Can I raise a child with special needs?

Let’s re-phrase that:

Is God calling me to do this?

The Lord gives strength when we are weak, wisdom when we feel inadequate, patience when we are ready to pull our hair out (or the hair of our child) and pure joy in the midst of tragedy.

None of us are ever perfectly ready to raise a child. Fellow Chrisitans that have walked in your path are waiting to encourage you through NATHHAN.

We would not trade raising the children God has given us, including our special children, for any other walk in life.